So I got this phone call today – it made smile from ear to ear. A lady, will call her Shelly to protect the innocent, rang me up today and we ended up speaking for close to 20 minutes. She was nearly in tears, but I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face. I felt bad for her, and yet I nearly laughed. I felt horrible about myself for feeling this way, but what she was telling me just sounded so damn hilarious for some reason.
You see, this ain’t the first time she called. The first time, nearly 10 months ago, she introduced herself as a friend of my ex-wife, will call her Julia to protect the guilty. She wanted to see whether there was anything…anything that could be possibly done to get Julia and I back together. Why? Because the divorce is bad for kids. And in the case of Shelly’s really nasty divorce many years ago, something snapped in her son’s brain and led to him being mentally challenged. Because she liked our children so much, she was doing anything she could to get us back together. This lady tried to get me to come and meet with Julia and work things out. Shelly was just so unflappable – the divorce had to be reversed no matter what. I was taken aback – but her sincerity could not be denied. She was a sweet old lady, very polite and kind.
During that first conversation something kept gnawing at me – Julia dislikes me intensely and I simply can’t believe that she would want to get back together with me (not to even mention what I want). Later I asked Julia why she couldn’t simply speak to me about reconciliation and had to put up other people to it. Julia had absolutely no idea of what I was talking about. Shelly called several times more. I asked her whether Julia had put her up to this and after several attempts at non-answers, she finally broke down: nope, Shelly, in conjunction with my mother in law, thought it would be a great idea. But…Shelly felt that Julia was ready to get back together.
I tried to explain to Shelly what kind a person Julia is: dishonest, selfish, bitchy, moody, unethical, etc… I tried to tell her that there wasn’t a single person who helped Julia that didn’t regret it afterwards. I gave her specific examples of what Julia has done and why it would be impossible for any man, not just me, to live with her. Shelly was unconvinced; to her, Julia was a wonderful young caring mother in a difficult situation. After about two weeks of calling, she finally convinced me to meet for one hour (just before it was time to pick up my kids from mom). I thought it would be a good way to get her out of my hair without insulting her. The meeting never happened: the day after Shelly persuaded me to get together, Julia filed contempt of court charges against me (so ludicrous, they were dismissed without even a hearing). I notified Shelly that I didn’t want to work things out with a woman that was trying to land me in jail. At that point, the fruitlessness of her efforts became clear and I didn’t hear from Shelly till this morning.
Today the adjectives Shelly used to describe Julia were quite different: immoral, mentally sick, thief, heartless. And Julia owed Shelly a ton of money…to be continued.